I decided this morning that I would like to get some short stories published, so I am going to actively work toward that goal. To begin, I just need to read more, which I will start doing today if I am not too tired. I slept for about 3 hours or so last night, and I don’t really know what I’m capable of doing today. I have a feeling I’m going to crash relatively soon – especially since I just ate.
At any rate, I came to that decision because I want to be more than I am, and actually start accomplishing the things I want to do in my life. I’m doing it for me, though, not for anyone else. I don’t care anymore if I’m not good enough for other people. I will just do my thing and try to achieve some measure of happiness with myself.
I don’t know if it’s due to the delirium of being sleep-deprived, or if I’m coming out of my depression of the last few days. Either way, I need to try and change the way I think about things, and take steps to detach from those to whom I am attached. It hurts too much and causes to much pain to come up empty and wanting time and time again. I guess I was always chasing a delusion anyways. The world, and personal relationships, just don’t exist in the way I had always fantasized.
A Lion's Roar 