I’ve been losing interest in things over the past several months. And as time goes on, one by one, things I used to enjoy just… don’t matter anymore. This is the first time, though, that listening to by two favorite bands: The Scorpions and Bad Religion, have ceased to make me feel better – especially Bad Religion. 21st Century Digital Boy, the version on the All Ages comp., was my favorite song at the time from them.
That was the first punk rock band I ever heard, way back when I was 13 at the neighbor Dustin’s house. Dustin and I went to the same school. He was in the popular group, and I was… well, I wasn’t in any group and I didn’t have any friends except this one kid named Josh who was a huge asshole. I took it, though. Better to be stuck hanging out with some asshole than with nobody all. I know what that’s like all too fucking well at this point in my life, and I knew it back then, too.
I remember I used to like hanging out with Dustin and his friend Patrick. It was with them that I first smoked weed.
The thing is, I didn’t realize until much later that Dustin never actually invited me over for anything, and never, ever spoke to me at school. Sometimes I would go over by Dustin and Patrick’s group of friends but people would just give me weird looks. I remember this one ugly girl was like “what the fuck are YOU doing here?” Jeff was nice though. He was in my PE class. He would talk to me sometimes at lunch when I wandered over to Dustin and Patrick’s group. He was also one of the only ones who signed my yearbook. Thanks for all of that, Jeff. I really hope you’re doing well out there, wherever you are.
Sometimes I would ask if they wanted to come out and skate, and Dustin would come out and skate sometimes. I think I was tolerated more than liked, and that’s why neither of them ever specifically asked me to hang out with their group of people or do things with them. It was that period that I started staying home instead of going with my parents out to eat or to wherever they were going. I would stay home and sit on the living room couch with the front door open in case one of my friends came over and wanted to hang out. Nobody ever did.
Once Dustin came to the door and I was so, so excited. But, he had just come over to borrow syrup.
Ugh. Life during those days in Carlsbad was fucking awful. Valley Jr. High, those Southern California kids used to tease me all the time, sometimes play tricks on me too. This one person told me some girl liked me, so I went around for like.. months trying to get up the urge to talk to her and later I found out it was only a joke and she said I was gross.
A Lion's Roar 